On Indecisiveness, Pinterest and Spirituality
If you’ve been following me long enough, I’m sure there’s hints of my greatest weakness coming through…
I’m incredibly indecisive.
It’s occurred to me as of late that I’m a chameleon. I mean, I already knew that but didn’t realize how much it was affecting the paths that I’ve taken in life. I rely on others and their emotional responses to things to influence the decisions I make.
Right down to building a brand.
I have no freakin’ clue what I’m creating. A brand is like creating a persona, another human in a sense. It’s a living, breathing thing. I’ve been taking all these quizzes trying to figure out what my brand archetype is and love what I’m coming across, yet can’t help but doubt this is yet another phase and two weeks from now you’ll likely see I’ve changed my website again to some new theme (I really hope Google doesn’t penalize me for that…).
Redefining a brand, making it something that I love and sticking to it is no easy task. How on earth can I trust that even tomorrow I’ll like what I’m doing? What if my “ideal” client doesn’t like it? What then? It’s a lot of pressure.
I feel along the way that I’m also trying to define, or understand myself. I want to keep recreating, redoing, deleting old photos and making new ones. I think it’s because I can see the evolution of Jillian Cole with the things that I create. Like photos of myself from two years ago don’t even really look like me, to me anymore.
We’re all in a constant state of evolution. I don’t believe anything should be stagnant and stay the same for long. I like to see that I’ve been evolving over the years, I like who I am becoming (whoever that is).
“Layers of the Onion” and my Love for Pinterest
I love Pinterest for helping me grow - a brand and myself. I’m a visual person and I like when photos or inspiring words evoke some kind of response within me. A feeling of knowingness, like “yes, that’s it.”. It helps me realize things I didn’t even know about myself and where I’ve been doing things based on what I thought other people wanted. The truth is, we don’t really know exactly what other people want. We can make educated guesses but we can’t really know.
I’ve realized that I actually don’t really enjoy looking for recipes on Pinterest. I do it because I think that’s what people who would want to follow my board would want. I’ve learned that I don’t like anything that overloads me. So I like things that evoke clarity, not overwhelm. So busy photos of any kind, business posts that have a million tips in them on how to make a million dollars...yup my mind just shut down thinking about it.
I like beauty. I like simplicity. Open spaces. Tranquility. Something that evokes joy within me. And yes, Pinterest helped me discover that (check out my Brand Vibes board to see what I mean...it’s my happy place).
So what about spirituality?
I don’t know a whole lot about spirituality, I’m learning as I go along. It’s something that I’ve been hesitant about for a long time because I thought spirituality was lighting candles and meditating in front of some incense in a dark room. Not my jam.
This might sound a little unusual - Pinterest has actually helped me with growing my spiritual practice.
Because to me, my spiritual practice is about finding alignment within myself. Understanding what I actually do and don’t like, not what others around me (or people who I’m trying to please) like. What I like. And I can understand what I like from imagery.
It’s not just Pinterest though. I’ve been taking more time off work (my wallet doesn’t appreciate it but my mind certainly does), going for walks and actually meditating. I even signed up for Rebecca Campbell’s online course, Discover Your Cosmic Blueprint.
I have no clue what I’m doing half the time and I’m not even sure if this is the right way to find alignment with my inner purpose.
I don’t even know wtf my inner purpose is.
What I do know is that I’ll never figure it out by continuing down the same path I have been on for years.
The Hamster Wheel and the Notes App
Seriously years. The other day I was sifting through the Notes app on my computer, reading through old notes from 2014. I was almost embarrassed for myself.
I had been on the same damn hamster wheel for a long time, writing about the same damn thing over and over and over again. Ad nauseum. Wanting greater things in my life, coming up with an action plan, executing it, then ending right back in my Notes app writing the same thing. Amnesia, I swear.
Sometimes we need to recognize our own bullshit in order to get out of our own way. Seeing that made me realize how stuck I’ve been for so many years, struggling to become unstuck by using the same “solutions” over and over, expecting different results but never getting them.
We don’t need to put Baby in a corner…
What results am I looking for? I can’t exactly define. What I can say is that it’s not the money, it’s not paying off the student loan (although that gave me a new sense of freedom once it was paid off), it’s not popularity. It’s something more than that. Something more meaningful.
I’ve come to realize that it’s the little things in daily life that are supporting me on this transformative journey. Simple things. Like finding beautiful imagery and quotes on Pinterest. Lighting a candle. Writing what’s in my heart. Meditating. Actually taking the time to take care of myself with simple things like putting on mascara and nice shoes.
I don’t need to be anything for anyone. I don’t need to be anything for myself. I don’t believe I need to put Baby in a corner and define her. She just IS. And with that, I’ve never more clear about who I am as a human being, what I like and what I don’t like, what I’m here on this earth to do.